Blurred Vision

It has become the norm for me lately - time flying by that is. I just remember that as a kid, Christmas seemed so magical and the holiday seemed to last forever. This Christmas especially went so fast that I barely had the Christmas Spirit feeling and then it was all over. But, I got to spend an awesome six days with my family in Saskatchewan. We ate way to much and didn't drink enough, but had an awesome visit. For me, as cliché as it sounds, that's what makes Christmas for me -my family.

So tomorrow starts 2009. I have been thinking about a resolution to make and I have come to a decision - I don't have ONE. There isn't one single thing that I want to put on a pedestal to focus on, but rather more of "wish list" I have for the New Year. Not a wish list as in things I want people to give me, but more things I want to do/work on to become a better version of me (not that this one is too bad, but I know it could be better).

So here, in no particular order are a few items on my list:

Be Happy. I know it sounds simple, but stress, being busy and focusing on the not-so-happy and negative things makes for a less than happy person. I don't want that. I want to be happy. I want to focus on the good, let go of the negative (things and people alike) and be happy.

Pay attention to things I've learned and grow from them. There is learning in every day. Everyone I meet can teach me or show me something. Even the smallest lesson is invaluable. I need to make a list and post it to remind myself of all the things I've learned in my life so that I will never forget and can pass them on.

Make an Effort. I want to make sure that I can say that everything I do is done with great effort and attention. I think that a lot of the time, we (as humans) tend to do things so that they are "good enough". I don't want to stop at "good enough". I want my learning, my relationships, my paintings, my work, and anything else that I do to be the best that I can make it. Pay attention to detail. Little things matter.

Be Healthier. It hasn't been a fantastic year health-wise for me. Yes, some things beyond my control, but I know somehow, I can make it better. Exercise more, eat better, relax more, sleep more, reduce stress......etc. Just live better. That's all. I only have one time around here and one body to do it in, so I should treat it better, and in turn it will (I am sure) treat me better.

LOVE & GIVE. By this, I mean love all things and give to all who need it (including myself). Oh, and be kind. There is enough in this world to make us all feel bad...there isn't a need to put any more of that stuff out there.

Have Patience. I have such an issue with rushing to and through things and getting frustrated when things aren't going fast enough or happening soon enough, that I miss everything happening now. I am not trying to be a Sappy Zen Goddess, but I know there are things that I miss here and now everyday that I would be so grateful for...if I only wasn't being impatient and getting frustrated. Again, I need to relax and be more patient.

I know, tall order, but all these things I need to be honest about and work on...so that I can be a better version of me.

But, for tonight, I will eat too much, drink a little, laugh a lot and enjoy the last day of 2008 with my fantastic Mikey, my very-much loved Puggies, a nice and fun couple and their two Bulldogs (Shrek and Fiona).

I wish for you all an amazing and spectacular New Year filled with everything wonderful that this life can offer!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

(Oh, one more thing for my list - BLOG MORE!!!!)

Seen there done that

dé⋅jà vu

When it comes to creativity or creative ideas I always try find something new, something inspiring, something no one has ever seen before. Maybe it's a new look, a new colour combo, a new take on an obvious solution. As a designer, I am often told, "Think outside the box!" (if I hear that phrase again, I swear I will give someone a scissor kick to the lips!!!!!).

Lately I've been noticing something. I have various blogs and websites that I visit on a regular (if not daily) basis. From one, you can click to another and then to another...and another and click - another. With each click there is some new type of eye candy - a painting, a picture, a mood, a feeling. Everyone is putting their original ideas and concepts out there. It's a fantastic blend of idea and inspiration ans it's all readily available. I realized something as I was clicking away, there are bits and pieces all over the place that I swear I've seen before. "That's their new logo? I know I've seen it somewhere. It just came out? Really?"

It happens all the time, in fact, it's happened to me. About a year and a half ago, I was hired to create a new identity for a local business that was just starting out. They gave me a guideline of what they were looking for, and I forged ahead. In the end, they were happy and best of all, I was happy to put my name to it. As I had it on screen one day, a friend (and fellow designer) popped in and with a look of concern said, "Who's that logo for? Where did they get it?" I explained - including an in-depth rationale for what I had created, and then all he said was, "Have you seen the logo for Such-and-such company? It's exactly the same." My heart sank...it couldn't be, could it? I went to Such-and-such company's website, and there it was. Glaringly obvious. Well, it wasn't EXACTLY the same - the orange was a shade more yellow and the elements were not completely centred (in copyright terms, that is EXACTLY the same). I stared at it...it stared back. It was a showdown, and epic battle between what I thought was my "original" idea and what already existed for someone else. I ended up changing it...I had to tell my client as neither of us wanted to end up in the Copyright Courts of Justice. The thing is, to this day, I have no idea how that could even happen. Like seriously....SERIOUSLY....how did the client's vague guidelines go from my brain, through dozens, if not hundreds, of thumbnail sketches get transferred in to my computer and end up WHAM! - something someone had already done?

This exact scenario doesn't just happen to me. It happens all the time. I used to work for a large Ad Agency and when I started there, they were in the midst of an actual court battle to prove whether or not a logo they did for their client existed publicly BEFORE a very similar logo for a non-profit company in the U.S. did. It was very real and scary when the designer and Creative Director had to pull out pages and pages of sketches and hard copy proofs to prove that their creative process landed them in a very similar spot as those creatives in the U.S. Turns out, our agency launched almost a full year prior to that of the other. Score!

Regardless, sometimes I wonder if this happens because of the "Creative Brain". Do certain words or ideas conjure up the same image for all of us? Is everything we see or have seen etched in to our subconsious only to burst out when prompted by trigger words/feelings/experiences? Or, could it be that we all share one great pool of ideas -kind of like a collective soul - that we all reach in to without knowing when we create? Or maybe, these same ideas are ingrained in our mitochondrial DNA as a Creative and we regress? OKAY! That's just too much.

All I know, is that it happens. But, it is not always a bad thing. Creativity inspires creativity. Ideas lead to more ideas. If someone or something inspires you, create! Put your mark on it. It was still a product of your thinking, your inspiration and your hard work. Anyone Creative can be a "human photocopier"...the challenge is to throw a twist in. And, if somehow, by some great mysterious power beyond our comprehension, it comes out with a likeness to something else, it must have just been a great idea!

Create it up yo!

Chillax

Stella has the right idea. Instead of running around chasing your tail, jump up on the leather couch and chill-out, watch the TV and reeeeeeeeeelax. I came across this picture this afternoon while frantically searching for something else. It's a dog's life....if you're one of our dogs. Our Puggies may be the only dogs* that can say they have eaten Prime Rib from the Keg (complete with garlic mashed potatoes and au jus) as well as 20 ounces of Porterhouse from 529 Wellington

*This is of course an assumption on my part. There may be other crazy people out there who go out for a nice anniversary dinner and make sure not to finish every last bite because there are two pampered pooches at home wassting away due to lack of Grade A Canadian Beef.

What I also found out while searching through various photos is that Mike and I barely have any photos together. Photos of us I mean. There are only a handful that I can think of and they are almost always posed - the ones at "that dinner" or "that friend's wedding". We don't really have any of us having fun or playing in the snow with the Puggies or anything like that. There are plenty of photos of Mikey, Mikey and the Pugs or the Puggies doing crazy Puggy stuff. But, when I see all of those photos, they all have one thing in common - I am behind the lens. Not that I really WANT to be in pictures, frankly I don't think I am that photogenic, but when our babies ask to see photos of us when we were "dating", what will I have to show them? Maybe a handful of stiff photos? A couple of funny shots while trying to work a timer and get the Puggies to stay still?

I just don't want to get to some point and say, "I wish we had more pictures of us".

It'll have to change....

Chill out!

Countdown 365

I'm back.

Loooong hiatus, I know. I don't know where the time went, but after a few gentle nudges and a much need kick in the pants, I realized I can't put it off anymore. I gotta blog!

Besides, today is a good day to get back at 'er. Tomorrow, Mike and I will have been together two years, it's Halloween and as of today, there are exactly 365 days until our wedding. Halloween wedding? Yes. Like right on the 31st of October. Yes. Like for real? YES!!! Can you tell I've been asked that a lot in the past while? Yes, we are getting married on Halloween - without costumes. No costumes allowed. It may seem silly, but Halloween is only one of my favorite days of the year, it was the day of our first date and it falls on a Saturday next year. All my life I loved Halloween - the lead up to it, the pumpkin carving, the costume picking and of course the Trick-or-Treating. I also thought that all the spookiness and mystery of witches, ghosts, goblins and things-that-go-bump-in-the-night created some wonderful magic that no other time of year could. It is that feeling and excitement accompanied by heightened senses that makes me love Halloween.

Somehow the romantic in me thinks that maybe there was a higher reason as to why I loved Halloween. Maybe I was meant to have my first date, with the man I would marry, on that day...and maybe is it a weird universal blessing to be able to get married on October 31st - a Saturday - in the year we will be married. Maybe some higher power (whoever that may be) made me look forward to that time every year so that when something good happend I would take it as a sign and not brush it off. Maybe, just maybe, I am over analyzing and am starting to sound crazy.

Our decision of the date has, of course, been met with some with some weirdness from others. So far my favorite comment has been, "Well, you may offend some people with children, it is Halloween ya'know". Really? I didn't know that...oh my gosh, I just realized that October 31, 2009 was Halloween, I am so sorry, here, let me change the date for you. I know that sounds snotty, (insert my Mom's voice sternly saying, "Tracy LeeAnne, be a LADY!" here) but I am claiming one Halloween night in all of existing time as mine, for me and us. How I really wanted to respond to this was by saying, "Do don't come then.". But what I said was, "of course I understand that and I will also understand if someone can't make it because of that." Unless, it is someone really important, then I will cast a temporary insanity spell on them.

My Dad seriously had the best comment about the day though. "Halloween, hey?" he said, "That is just so you". He got it. He understood. I didn't know if anyone would, but he did. Not like it suprised me. He's good that way.

So Halloween it is. This Halloween won't be too exciting - unless the Jets win (GO STONEWALL!!!) but next year will be magically fantastic!

Fan-glorious

Glory. Happiness. I’m happy. Tired, but oh so happy. The quote is right - All glory comes from daring to begin. I think it sums up Mike and I and our life together. Every thing we have and built together began with a leap of faith of sorts. We met at work...I vowed I would never date anyone I worked with. BIG NO NO! I took the leap...and was happy for it. Never mind, that Halloween night in 2006, we had our first date AND moved in together. What was I thinking??? I knew what I was thinking, “Take the leap”. I leaped and landed in something so different and comfortable.

We dared to get our first Puggy – Guinness – loss of sleep, issues and trips to the vet with a HUGE pay off of unconditional love and endless laughs.

We dared to get our second Puggy – Stella – again, loss of sleep, loss of fur, more trips to the vet, and the same HUGE pay off. Plus, Ginny was in his glory with his new companion.

We dared to buy a house and move (this is why I am soooooo exhausted and ready to drop). It’s older, built in 1948 compared to our current 1995 model, but with the beautiful floors, awesome kitchen, big yard and 13 minute drive to work, we will make it our own and be happy there.

And the biggest leap, as of yet...we are getting married! As of last Thursday, Mikey and I are engaged. BIG LEAP!!!! BEST LEAP EVER!!!! Excited? YES! Happy? MORE THAN ANYONE COULD KNOW!

I can’t even describe the last week. Rollercoaster. Exhausted. Over-the-moon-happy-in-love and so tired feel nauseous I’m gonna go over the edge if the insanity doesn’t end soon.

The best thing is though, I am happy. We are happy. Happy together all because we dared to being this crazy thing. Imagine that.

We move on Friday. I am not ready. Three-quarters packed and all sanity gone. I am reduced to a pale, ameoba-like state as I move from place to place on auto-pilot. Work to house to other house, back to first house, sleep, up, work to house and all over again. I can’t think and everything that comes out of my mouth makes perfect sense to me, but is a foreign language to everyone else. Perhaps I’ve tapped in to some ancient form of Cave Language that only the extremely exhausted can recover from their cell memory lost through generations of evolution. Something like “Pita lunch good turkey roast” or “Need sleep please Friday”.

So, if the sentences I write are barely comprehensible, I apologize. But, I’m here, happy and ready to leap.

Whirlwind

Delinquent. Yes, I have been a delinquent blogger. But, my only peace of mind regarding this matter comes from the fact that many of the other blogs I read have not been updated in days...yes, days, not WEEKS like mine, but at last, here I am.

The only word I have for the last few weeks of my life is INSANITY. Wait, maybe WHIRLWIND...or CHAOS...okay, so there are a few words, but it all leads to one big word. GOOD. All GOOD. So since returning after May long weekend, Mikey and I looked at a whack of houses, bought a house, did overhaul cleaning on our current house, listed our house, showed our house aaaannnnd sold our house. Meanwhile, aside from all that, I ran around with the Puggies, reconnected with an old friend I haven’t seen in 10 years and a long-lost cousin on my Dad’s side who I haven’t seen in 22 years! I also did hours of not-for-profit design work and held down a full-time job (which I don’t think I have time for anymore)! Oh, and Mike’s friends Kirstie and Ross are arriving tomorrow from England to stay with us for a week! Everyday over the past while, I thought, “Ooh! I could blog about this.” or “That would be a good post.” but it never got posted. I guess the only reason I listed all of that is to make myself feel better about the things I’ve dropped the ball on (like sending a Father’s Day card or an anniversary card for my parents) and realize that I was going through a ton of crap and was legitimately busy. So, if I’ve missed any of you, made you feel ignored or looked-over, I really apologize.

So yes, Mikey and I are leaving the Republic of Transcona (R.O.T.). We realized we were spending too much time in the car commuting to and from work and that that time could be better spend at home, with friends, with the Puggies, or together. It was getting to the point that we would leave the house at 8:20 in the morning and not get home until 5:50 at night. It sucked. We also realized that, even though we have a fuel-efficient Honda Element, that we were spending at least $300 on gas every month. Yikes! Like do we really REALLY need to pay so much for gas in a country that produces so much oil? Maybe we should realize that as a country we should stop exporting so much of our resources and keep them here while passing on valuable savings to our citizens? Ah...I digress...

St. James/Silver Heights here we come. As Mike likes to say, “The Dumkas are coming to town”. I am not a Dumka (his last name) yet, but I just let him go. He said he is going to “roll” up to the new house blasting “Straight Outta Compton” by N.W.A in a yellow jumpsuit the likes of Rza (rizz-ah) from the Wu-Tang Clan. REALLY?! No, REALLY?! Like they won’t kick us out. The new house is nice...older, but nice. It’s a 1.5 story on a 50’ x 112’ lot. LOTS of room for gardening, Puggy running and BBQs! The hardwoods are nice, the kitchen is completely redone and the rooms are big. I think my favorite part is the street. Beautiful, huge trees canopy the boulevards and front street. People walk their dogs and wave, the lawns are green and manicured and everything has that richness and history of an older, well-developed neighborhood. It’s peaceful.

I am still a bit sad to leave our house. The little things I/we did to make it ours...the fence, the quotes on the walls, the fence and the gardens. But, I am super happy that the young couple who bought it are over-the-moon crazy happy to get it. They love it, they will love it...it will have love.

New beginnings and fresh starts are good. There is nothing wrong with the way it is now, but it will be BETTER.

Breeeeaaatthhheee aaaannnnd.....PACK, MOVE, GO!

Big Girls Do Cry

I am not afraid to admit, I still cry when I leave my Mom and Dad. Every time. Not because I need to be with them all the time and not because I can’t deal with things on my own. I cry because I miss them. I cry because I have fun when I am with them and because they are two of my best friends and my biggest fans...yes, I like them too. Here’s the thing, I don’t think it is bad.

I think crying is just one of those things I do and it doesn’t make me weak, whiney or fragile. It is just part of me. It’s a way I deal with things. I don’t yell, I don’t stomp around, I don’t tell people off...I cry. If I am leaving my parents after a long weekend and I won’t see them for a while, I cry. If I get frustrated and angry, I don’t yell, I cry. If I am feeling anxious or even super happy, I cry. I don’t think it is necessarily a weakness, but rather a release of emotion. It’s just a way to get out and let go of the stuff that’s inside. Emotions are OKAY!

Which leads me to another point. We really discourage anyone from showing any emotion. I mean, if you are too happy, people are wondering what you have to be so “overly happy” about. If you are kind of melancholy, you must be “depressed” or “have something going on”. I really don’t get it. For anyone who knows me, you know that I am an emotional sleeve wearer. I guess it’s the proverbial heart on your sleeve kinda thing, but that’s just me. The down side to being having emotional sleeves is that you get hurt more easily, everyone knows if you are mad/sad/happy/hurt or whatever. They may even refer to you as crazy or difficult or, heaven forbid, emotional. Oh no, not EMMOOOOTIONAL! Really? Should we all walk around like Monotone Zombies, arms straight out grunting one tone and seeking out monotony and the ability to be average? That sounds like fun! YAY!

I don’t want to be a zombie (I don’t think I would like the taste of brains anyway). I want to be have the ability to show emotion. I want people to know they made me happy, or that I love them. Emotions are good, people! Oh, and I can’t lie...there’s one positive for y’all. It is absolutely impossible for me to lie (it leaves a stain next to the heart on my sleeve).

I will continue to cry -if I need to. And, I won’t tell you not to -if you need to. Why do you think everyone in the movies is running from the zombies (besides the having your brains eaten by the living dead thing)? They can’t be happy, they can’t be sad, they just are. That’s it, that’s all. Why wouldn’t you run from something like that?

Beaver Boy and the hats

Check out this new magazine I found...right next to the Weekly World News at the grocery store. Beaver Boy is sure giving Bat Boy a run for his money!

Just kidding. This isn't a real magazine, (naw, really?). This is my brother being his usual immature self after my dad's birthday dinner.

I went home last weekend to surprise my dad for his birthday. I have to say, every time I go back to Regina, there is something new - something being built, a new store, a new sub-division...something. That city is growing like crazy and is so much nicer than when I left there 11 years ago.

My dad ordered himself a hat (called a squashy-roo) from New Zeland. It was a bit small, so he ordered another one. Now, there are two Sqaushy-Roos in their house and we HAD to goof-off a bit with them. My sister in-law, Elisha, must feel like she won the biggest lottery by marrying in to the insanity that is the Guest Family!


I had an awesome time...good food, good family and Guitar Hero. What more could I ask for? It was a nice break away from the norm....far, far away from ANYTHING normal!

Lost and not found

I have searched everywhere. I have moved piles, untangled cords, sorted mail and emptied garbages. I looked under dressers and paint palettes and even looked in the Puggy beds under The Puggies. I hate to admit it and it makes my heart sad, but...I think it's gone.

IT'S GONE.

The necklace from this post

I have no idea where, when or how it went, but I can't for the life of me find it. I bought it at Silver Lotus in The Village and it was extra awesome because it was a gift...to me from me. It was so much more than a 3/4" piece of silver with words stamped on it...worth so much more than the $48 I paid for it. It was one-of-a-kind and I felt like in some way, made just for me.

So here I sit beside myself wondering what to do. If anyone finds it, there is a REWARD offered...okay, so the reward might be just a Starbucks coffee, my endless gratitude and knowing you made my heart happy, but it's a reward none-the-less.

If you see anyone wearing it on the street, I give you full permission to judo-chop them in the neck, give them a round house kick to the torso, steal the necklace and return it to me. I promise, I won't call the proper authorities.

Lost it. Miss it. Want it back.

Creativity Scene

Guinness is staring up at me. I am sitting in my chair in my office/studio (read: spare room that I took over and set my computer and easel up in). I have been spending a lot of time being creative lately - with color. Yes, believe it or not, I paint with color. I even painted my bathroom blue the other day! YAY ME! No black bathroom here! At any rate, Guinness and Stella are trying to get my attention after I spent another evening in my room. I wanted to post some of the creative things I have been up to lately as they make me happy!

These are Ukrainian Easter Eggs that my Mom (hey Shirl!) and I made when she was here at Easter. Yes, they still have the raw yolks in them and were made with the layers of melted bees wax and coat after coat of crazy staining dyes. It was awesome! I had tons of fun and it is very therapeutic.


This is a painting I finished the other day...I don't know what to call it, but you get it, it's a seed and sprout.


And finally, this is what I worked on all night. I started her in 2006 and never finished. But, I think she needs to be complete. A couple more hours and she might be done. I bought a couple new brushes and some more paint today (Michael's is 40% off this week) and I have to say that I didn't realize how awesome new brushes could be until I broke down and got some!!!


Now it's time for the Puggies and I to go to the couch. I think there is a new episode of the Haunting on the PVR that we need to watch until Mikey gets home from hockey....

Pugdate

Just thought I'd post some new pics of the Puggies in all their glory doing what Puggies do best. Okay, really what they do best is bark, chew, pee, chase tails, bite backs of legs, whine, hog the bed, poo and rip heads off of innocent stuffed animals.

Regardless, they're mine.

De motivational speaker

I used to sit in the 1000 person auditorium in my high school mesmerized by the motivational speaker. He would stand on the stage showing slides with sayings like, "If you smile, the world smiles with you" and motivational quips of the sort. I always left there thinking, "He is totally right. If I am a good person, I will be happy. If I am a good listener, people will listen to me. If I am a good friend, I will have good friends. If I respect others, they will respect me".

Well, he lied. He flat out lied to the 900-odd teenagers sitting there.

I am not being a Negative-Nancy, or a Bitter-Betty, but after the week I had I can't think that anything else is true. First off, let me say, I am a good person. Yes, I sometimes whine, or have a tiny Pity-Party for myself, but who doesn't. I try to make others happy. I listen to everyone spouting off in detail (long, drawn-out detail) about their problems and never expect anything back. I bail people out of bad situations and don't expect to be bailed out. I make compromises. I "do unto others as I would have them do unto me". I trust people in hopes they can trust me. I am a good friend. I am a good girlfriend. I am (trying to be) a good daughter-in-law. So, in Motivational Speaker Theory, I should have nothing to complain about....everyone should be treating me the same way I treat them. Oh, and don't get me wrong, if I was a TOTAL ASS I would expect nothing less than to be treated like one. But, I am not an ass and therefore should not be treated as such.

It just drives me crazy that I can feel like I put 110% in to things (work, relationships, family, friends etc.) and get a good solid 35% back. Really? I MEAN REALLY?! I am now at the point where I wonder if it is even worth it or if it matters.

Maybe, in light of all this, I should stop giving a flying-flip about everyone and everything else and then it will be all better. Maybe I'll stop caring what people's answers are to my "Mornin', how ya doin? Did you have a good weekend?" question. Maybe I'll stop inviting people over and fussing over what I will serve and whether or not they are having a good time. Or maybe, JUST MAYBE, I will start looking out for myself and not giving a crap how everyone else is, what they need, if I am doing a good job or being a good friend. I think honestly I shouldn't bother caring about stuff anymore because in the end, is it worth it? I mean worth it in the sense that I don't get crapped on, or spread myself too thin or don't have what I need to be happy.

No more Mrs. Bend-over-backwards to help/make others be happy just so I can get crapped on. Nope, no way José. I will just coast like everyone else does. I will just demand of others to make myself happy. I will crap on everyone if I don't like something they did/said or didn't do/say.

Now, doesn't that sound stupid? Seriously. After the fore mentioned week I had, I am now officially telling the world to pull its' head out of its big butt and get over it. LIKE REALLY! GET. OVER. IT. Take a look around. Let's all play nice in this big sandbox and at least TRY to be good to each other. I will if you will.

....and Mom and Dad, if you are reading this, you don't have to call, I am fine. Just a crappy ending to a craptastic week...Love ya!

Oh My Goodness, My Guinness!

Flippin' Finally!

Here is my completed painting of my puggy Guinness. While I have been off sick for a week, I spent a little time finishing it (in between hacking, aching and napping of course).

I like it. Guinness sniffed it, and liked it. Stella, well, she barked at it and ran under the table. I just think she is jealous. I guess I should probably do one of her too...but not today. I need a nap.

Lovely Love

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

I still love Valentine's Day. It's just about love. Not just the fluttery-heart, butterfly-stomach new love, but all sorts of love. It's about finding a love, renewing a love, reminding a love, reaching out to a love. It's about not being afraid to love or to say you love. It's about letting yourself love and allowing yourself to feel loved. It's for lovers, friends, family and everyone you love. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Funny how one word sums up an entire day.

Go out there, give love, get love and be LOVE!

xoxo

My Rules.

This necklace was a Christmas gift to me...from ME. The time of year you are supposed to be thinking of what to buy everyone else and writing a list of suggestions for gifts you might like to receive. I couldn't resist.

I looked at all the other sayings they had on the scuffed silver discs laying in the display case...PLAY EVERYDAY...PRINCESS OF EVERYTHING...DON'T FORGET TO PLAY (which was my second choice)...and then I saw this. At first, it struck me as kinda cold -in a rude way. It made me think of a little girl in pig-tails and barefeet standing on a dirt pile, pouty lip hung out, glaring at her mother, not wanting to go inside to clean up and change out of her jeans for a family dinner. But, it was something I always thought about. Why shouldn't I be able to live how I want? As long as I am not hurting anyone else, or making the world a worse place rather than a better one, what's wrong with being me? I am not a bad person, in fact, I think I am a pretty decent person.

I circled around the words and then, saw them differently. MY LIFE. MY RULES. It isn't rude or cold at all. If I want to be a giver, I will give. If I want to be overly generous, I will. If I want to dance in the hallway and play air-guitar, I will. If I want to start my own business, I will (yes, even though "you have a stable job and good benefits with a guaranteed income" otherwise known as BORING!!!). If I don't ever want to grow up and only want to fly a bright red kite in the park with Mikey and my Puggies on a hot summer day, I WILL!!!! That's just it, it is my life and I am not going to be boring because I am over 30, I am not going to vote for Candidate A because someone tells me to and I will absolutely not live by anyone else's rules except for mine. (I mean, the law is different...I don't think the police would listen to me if I shouted "My Life, My Rules" as they threw me in a cruiser car for running naked through Osborne Village...)

I don't remember getting an official Instruction Manual on how to live life, so I will make my own. It's fair to say that if I just live a good life, do what I want to do and be happy, the world around me will be a better place...even if it is just my little world. That's not cold. That's not rude. That's just a rule.

I am going back to my dirt pile, in my jeans, where I am happy.

Are you sick again?!

Warning - this post may contain bitterness and ranting that may be offensive to certain readers. Reader discretion is advised.

You've been warned. I have the stupid &#$%# flu. Yep, I avoided it until now and BOOM...I have it. I think my favorite part about being sick is hearing the ever-supportive "Ugh...you're sick again?" comment while people screw up their noses and make me feel like the most irresponsible and unhealthy person in the world. Oh yes, I love being sick...it's one of my favorite things in the world. I LOVE feeling like I was hit by a semi truck, or axed between my shoulder blades and that my eyes are gonna pop out of my head at any time. Ooooh, and I love, love, love blowing my nose every three minutes and having no appetite so I can feel weaker and weaker as the hours pass. Yes, I absolutely love it and that is why I walk around licking door handles and standing in front of people who sneeze and cough at work when they are sick and SHOULD BE AT HOME SO THAT THEY DON'T MAKE ANYONE ELSE SICK!!!! BOOO! Boo on this flu! Boo on the healthier-than-thou attitude from others! Just BOO in general! I am sick, gimme a break. There's my rant. Oh, and P.S. people, I do take vitamins and eat decent and take care of myself!!!

Mikey was sick last week and then Stella had to go for her "girlie operation" on Thursday. I took Friday off to pick her up in the morning and baby her all day. She found a pillow on the floor, so I covered her up and let her sleep...until I took this picture. Poor little thing.
I started to feel crappy in the evening and called my mom (cause that's what I do when I need to whine a bit and receive unconditional sympathy). You know what she said? "Oh, you'll be fine...". BOO. So when I called her back yesterday sounding like an 80-year-old man who sings the Blues in New Orleans, she said, " Oh my God! I didn't believe you!" Oh Ma, she's so silly and I love her. See, I think whenever we were sick as kids, my mom thought we were faking so we wouldn't have to go to school - which wasn't entirely false. She would tell us "Go take a shower and you'll feel better". Another one of her "home remedies" whenever we we feeling blah was, "Go take a big poo and everything will be fine". When I told her on the phone that I tried taking a shower and a big poo and it didn't make me feel any better, we both laughed out loud...and then I coughed and sneezed and blew my nose and went for a nap. At least I can still laugh, I guess.

There is one thing I am not NOT laughing about though...my serious and maybe soon-to-be-fatal Starbucks withdrawal. I can't remember the last time I had a Triple Venti, Extra-Hot, Non-Fat Vanilla Latte. Do they deliver? I have the shakes. I am hallucinating. Oh wait, maybe that's just the fever. One thing I know for sure, Starbucks would never say, "Oh, you're sick again?!". No, it would welcome me, envelop me in steamed frothy-ness, surround me with milky esspresso goodness, wish me good health and well being and send me on my way to recovery. Starbucks is always a good friend....with benefits.

What's that Mr. Couch? You want me to come lie on you and watch a movie? Oh, and what...bring the Puggies? Oh sure, I can do that. Mr. Kleenex and Mrs. Tea are coming too. We'll have a grand old time!

Don't Blink

Watch this video.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=p4ySSg4QG8g

Yes, I am forcing you. You may have seen/heard it already but if you have, watch it again. Johno (my dad) sent it to me a couple of weeks ago. We all know it, we all say it...enjoy every day and every moment, but we forget. I forget. It's not a secret that living in the now is sooooo very much easier than living in what happened yesterday or what may happen tomorrow.

Give love, give respect and don't blink.

Thanks Dad, for the reminder.

*The photo is of my brother and I when I was 5. That was 27 years ago and it seems like it was the other day.

One small step

So in a comment she wrote on one of my blog posts where I was once again daydreaming of owning my own studio/business, Kal said,

"Seriously, dude. Just quit your job and live the life you dream of. It's reachable."

I thought about it, and she's right. She rules! I am, for the first time, not terrified of the concept of working on my own. Of course, I mean there's all the scary things, like where's the business gonna come from? How do I effectively beat clients for money they owe me? Blah, blah, blah....too scary, don't want to think about that right now.

So, I thought I should create some kind of identity and at least a logo and business card. So, here is the very small first step toward the life I dream of.

Introducing, Bean Graphic Design.
Why Bean? Who is Bean? Beans are good?

I was struggling a bit to find a great name that meant something to me and that was, at the same time, still a good business name. Bean is the nickname my Dad calls me. Like when he calls he'll say "Hey Bean, whassup?". After doing the logo and card design, I finally asked my mom why he calls me bean. Her response? First they called me Kid....then Kidney....then came Kidney Bean...and finally dad just settled on.....Bean. The funny thing is, my Dad's name is John, so my brother and I call him Johno (a term of endearment, not a lack of respect in anyway). So, he started calling me Beano...nice, an anti-gas product. Maybe it's because I am full of hot air? Maybe I diffuse gaseous situations? Hmmm.... I digress....

Bean also reminded me of that experiment you do in school where you plant the tiny bean in a plastic cup and watch it sprout, send roots down, grab hold and grow like crazy. It was one of the coolest things I remembered as a kid, and it made me happy.

At any rate, I took my first step and Bean Graphic Design was born. Now, a million more little steps and I will be living the dream!

Here....we....go!

Watch out 2008! I am ready to ATTACK!!!!

So far, the first three days of the New Year have been pretty good. Nothing bad, nothing great and that's fine with me. It's been a simple and even-tempered start to what I know will be a crazy and busy year. But, I AM READY!!!

It seems–as I talk to more and more people–that it's a good thing 2007 is over. As far as I am concerned, good riddance and see-ya-later! It's not that is was a terrible year, there were good things. There were all the firsts with Mikey - first New Years, first Valentine's, first Birthday, first vacation..the list goes on. Then, there were a couple of GREAT things - the PUGGIES!!!! It was just the not-so-good things that made me wish for a "life fast-forward" button just to get through the bad to get to the good. But, I dove in and got'er done.

Those few good things made the year more than bearable, and I am thankful for that. It was the other eight-hundered-thousand not so good things that make me glad it is a new year!!! Welcome 2008!

Should be an interesting year. I am willing it to be a good year. I am shaking of the 2007 blahs and starting fresh and new. I already have freelance work coming out of my ears...which may sound stressful, but it is a really good thing. Maybe someday I will work out of my house on projects I love doing - something I only ever dreamed about, but could possibly become a reality. It's funny how I kept hoping and wishing for a "normal" life - a life without stress, chaos and craziness. Then, the other day, I came across the perfect quote:

"Normal is just a setting on a dryer."

Couldn't have said it better. There isn't a "normal". I can't be "normal" and I don't want to be "normal". Normal is just boring. Say it enough times...normal.....normal....normal....is doesn't even SOUND good. So, instead of striving for normal, I will stay different and a little off and strive for happiness and contentment, love and passion, and most of all a life that feeds my soul.

If I will it, it will come.

Happy New Year!!!