Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Are you sick again?!

Warning - this post may contain bitterness and ranting that may be offensive to certain readers. Reader discretion is advised.

You've been warned. I have the stupid &#$%# flu. Yep, I avoided it until now and BOOM...I have it. I think my favorite part about being sick is hearing the ever-supportive "Ugh...you're sick again?" comment while people screw up their noses and make me feel like the most irresponsible and unhealthy person in the world. Oh yes, I love being sick...it's one of my favorite things in the world. I LOVE feeling like I was hit by a semi truck, or axed between my shoulder blades and that my eyes are gonna pop out of my head at any time. Ooooh, and I love, love, love blowing my nose every three minutes and having no appetite so I can feel weaker and weaker as the hours pass. Yes, I absolutely love it and that is why I walk around licking door handles and standing in front of people who sneeze and cough at work when they are sick and SHOULD BE AT HOME SO THAT THEY DON'T MAKE ANYONE ELSE SICK!!!! BOOO! Boo on this flu! Boo on the healthier-than-thou attitude from others! Just BOO in general! I am sick, gimme a break. There's my rant. Oh, and P.S. people, I do take vitamins and eat decent and take care of myself!!!

Mikey was sick last week and then Stella had to go for her "girlie operation" on Thursday. I took Friday off to pick her up in the morning and baby her all day. She found a pillow on the floor, so I covered her up and let her sleep...until I took this picture. Poor little thing.
I started to feel crappy in the evening and called my mom (cause that's what I do when I need to whine a bit and receive unconditional sympathy). You know what she said? "Oh, you'll be fine...". BOO. So when I called her back yesterday sounding like an 80-year-old man who sings the Blues in New Orleans, she said, " Oh my God! I didn't believe you!" Oh Ma, she's so silly and I love her. See, I think whenever we were sick as kids, my mom thought we were faking so we wouldn't have to go to school - which wasn't entirely false. She would tell us "Go take a shower and you'll feel better". Another one of her "home remedies" whenever we we feeling blah was, "Go take a big poo and everything will be fine". When I told her on the phone that I tried taking a shower and a big poo and it didn't make me feel any better, we both laughed out loud...and then I coughed and sneezed and blew my nose and went for a nap. At least I can still laugh, I guess.

There is one thing I am not NOT laughing about though...my serious and maybe soon-to-be-fatal Starbucks withdrawal. I can't remember the last time I had a Triple Venti, Extra-Hot, Non-Fat Vanilla Latte. Do they deliver? I have the shakes. I am hallucinating. Oh wait, maybe that's just the fever. One thing I know for sure, Starbucks would never say, "Oh, you're sick again?!". No, it would welcome me, envelop me in steamed frothy-ness, surround me with milky esspresso goodness, wish me good health and well being and send me on my way to recovery. Starbucks is always a good friend....with benefits.

What's that Mr. Couch? You want me to come lie on you and watch a movie? Oh, and what...bring the Puggies? Oh sure, I can do that. Mr. Kleenex and Mrs. Tea are coming too. We'll have a grand old time!

1 comment:

Miss V said...

Drugs!

Drugify!

Ooooh, you should totally watch the Heathers. Nothing like it. That is a fricken flu remedy, baby.

Big hug. Get better. There is much trouble to get in and much havoc to wreck. Much eyerolling and jabbing to dole out.