Big Girls Do Cry

I am not afraid to admit, I still cry when I leave my Mom and Dad. Every time. Not because I need to be with them all the time and not because I can’t deal with things on my own. I cry because I miss them. I cry because I have fun when I am with them and because they are two of my best friends and my biggest fans...yes, I like them too. Here’s the thing, I don’t think it is bad.

I think crying is just one of those things I do and it doesn’t make me weak, whiney or fragile. It is just part of me. It’s a way I deal with things. I don’t yell, I don’t stomp around, I don’t tell people off...I cry. If I am leaving my parents after a long weekend and I won’t see them for a while, I cry. If I get frustrated and angry, I don’t yell, I cry. If I am feeling anxious or even super happy, I cry. I don’t think it is necessarily a weakness, but rather a release of emotion. It’s just a way to get out and let go of the stuff that’s inside. Emotions are OKAY!

Which leads me to another point. We really discourage anyone from showing any emotion. I mean, if you are too happy, people are wondering what you have to be so “overly happy” about. If you are kind of melancholy, you must be “depressed” or “have something going on”. I really don’t get it. For anyone who knows me, you know that I am an emotional sleeve wearer. I guess it’s the proverbial heart on your sleeve kinda thing, but that’s just me. The down side to being having emotional sleeves is that you get hurt more easily, everyone knows if you are mad/sad/happy/hurt or whatever. They may even refer to you as crazy or difficult or, heaven forbid, emotional. Oh no, not EMMOOOOTIONAL! Really? Should we all walk around like Monotone Zombies, arms straight out grunting one tone and seeking out monotony and the ability to be average? That sounds like fun! YAY!

I don’t want to be a zombie (I don’t think I would like the taste of brains anyway). I want to be have the ability to show emotion. I want people to know they made me happy, or that I love them. Emotions are good, people! Oh, and I can’t lie...there’s one positive for y’all. It is absolutely impossible for me to lie (it leaves a stain next to the heart on my sleeve).

I will continue to cry -if I need to. And, I won’t tell you not to -if you need to. Why do you think everyone in the movies is running from the zombies (besides the having your brains eaten by the living dead thing)? They can’t be happy, they can’t be sad, they just are. That’s it, that’s all. Why wouldn’t you run from something like that?

Beaver Boy and the hats

Check out this new magazine I found...right next to the Weekly World News at the grocery store. Beaver Boy is sure giving Bat Boy a run for his money!

Just kidding. This isn't a real magazine, (naw, really?). This is my brother being his usual immature self after my dad's birthday dinner.

I went home last weekend to surprise my dad for his birthday. I have to say, every time I go back to Regina, there is something new - something being built, a new store, a new sub-division...something. That city is growing like crazy and is so much nicer than when I left there 11 years ago.

My dad ordered himself a hat (called a squashy-roo) from New Zeland. It was a bit small, so he ordered another one. Now, there are two Sqaushy-Roos in their house and we HAD to goof-off a bit with them. My sister in-law, Elisha, must feel like she won the biggest lottery by marrying in to the insanity that is the Guest Family!


I had an awesome time...good food, good family and Guitar Hero. What more could I ask for? It was a nice break away from the norm....far, far away from ANYTHING normal!

Lost and not found

I have searched everywhere. I have moved piles, untangled cords, sorted mail and emptied garbages. I looked under dressers and paint palettes and even looked in the Puggy beds under The Puggies. I hate to admit it and it makes my heart sad, but...I think it's gone.

IT'S GONE.

The necklace from this post

I have no idea where, when or how it went, but I can't for the life of me find it. I bought it at Silver Lotus in The Village and it was extra awesome because it was a gift...to me from me. It was so much more than a 3/4" piece of silver with words stamped on it...worth so much more than the $48 I paid for it. It was one-of-a-kind and I felt like in some way, made just for me.

So here I sit beside myself wondering what to do. If anyone finds it, there is a REWARD offered...okay, so the reward might be just a Starbucks coffee, my endless gratitude and knowing you made my heart happy, but it's a reward none-the-less.

If you see anyone wearing it on the street, I give you full permission to judo-chop them in the neck, give them a round house kick to the torso, steal the necklace and return it to me. I promise, I won't call the proper authorities.

Lost it. Miss it. Want it back.

Creativity Scene

Guinness is staring up at me. I am sitting in my chair in my office/studio (read: spare room that I took over and set my computer and easel up in). I have been spending a lot of time being creative lately - with color. Yes, believe it or not, I paint with color. I even painted my bathroom blue the other day! YAY ME! No black bathroom here! At any rate, Guinness and Stella are trying to get my attention after I spent another evening in my room. I wanted to post some of the creative things I have been up to lately as they make me happy!

These are Ukrainian Easter Eggs that my Mom (hey Shirl!) and I made when she was here at Easter. Yes, they still have the raw yolks in them and were made with the layers of melted bees wax and coat after coat of crazy staining dyes. It was awesome! I had tons of fun and it is very therapeutic.


This is a painting I finished the other day...I don't know what to call it, but you get it, it's a seed and sprout.


And finally, this is what I worked on all night. I started her in 2006 and never finished. But, I think she needs to be complete. A couple more hours and she might be done. I bought a couple new brushes and some more paint today (Michael's is 40% off this week) and I have to say that I didn't realize how awesome new brushes could be until I broke down and got some!!!


Now it's time for the Puggies and I to go to the couch. I think there is a new episode of the Haunting on the PVR that we need to watch until Mikey gets home from hockey....

Pugdate

Just thought I'd post some new pics of the Puggies in all their glory doing what Puggies do best. Okay, really what they do best is bark, chew, pee, chase tails, bite backs of legs, whine, hog the bed, poo and rip heads off of innocent stuffed animals.

Regardless, they're mine.

De motivational speaker

I used to sit in the 1000 person auditorium in my high school mesmerized by the motivational speaker. He would stand on the stage showing slides with sayings like, "If you smile, the world smiles with you" and motivational quips of the sort. I always left there thinking, "He is totally right. If I am a good person, I will be happy. If I am a good listener, people will listen to me. If I am a good friend, I will have good friends. If I respect others, they will respect me".

Well, he lied. He flat out lied to the 900-odd teenagers sitting there.

I am not being a Negative-Nancy, or a Bitter-Betty, but after the week I had I can't think that anything else is true. First off, let me say, I am a good person. Yes, I sometimes whine, or have a tiny Pity-Party for myself, but who doesn't. I try to make others happy. I listen to everyone spouting off in detail (long, drawn-out detail) about their problems and never expect anything back. I bail people out of bad situations and don't expect to be bailed out. I make compromises. I "do unto others as I would have them do unto me". I trust people in hopes they can trust me. I am a good friend. I am a good girlfriend. I am (trying to be) a good daughter-in-law. So, in Motivational Speaker Theory, I should have nothing to complain about....everyone should be treating me the same way I treat them. Oh, and don't get me wrong, if I was a TOTAL ASS I would expect nothing less than to be treated like one. But, I am not an ass and therefore should not be treated as such.

It just drives me crazy that I can feel like I put 110% in to things (work, relationships, family, friends etc.) and get a good solid 35% back. Really? I MEAN REALLY?! I am now at the point where I wonder if it is even worth it or if it matters.

Maybe, in light of all this, I should stop giving a flying-flip about everyone and everything else and then it will be all better. Maybe I'll stop caring what people's answers are to my "Mornin', how ya doin? Did you have a good weekend?" question. Maybe I'll stop inviting people over and fussing over what I will serve and whether or not they are having a good time. Or maybe, JUST MAYBE, I will start looking out for myself and not giving a crap how everyone else is, what they need, if I am doing a good job or being a good friend. I think honestly I shouldn't bother caring about stuff anymore because in the end, is it worth it? I mean worth it in the sense that I don't get crapped on, or spread myself too thin or don't have what I need to be happy.

No more Mrs. Bend-over-backwards to help/make others be happy just so I can get crapped on. Nope, no way José. I will just coast like everyone else does. I will just demand of others to make myself happy. I will crap on everyone if I don't like something they did/said or didn't do/say.

Now, doesn't that sound stupid? Seriously. After the fore mentioned week I had, I am now officially telling the world to pull its' head out of its big butt and get over it. LIKE REALLY! GET. OVER. IT. Take a look around. Let's all play nice in this big sandbox and at least TRY to be good to each other. I will if you will.

....and Mom and Dad, if you are reading this, you don't have to call, I am fine. Just a crappy ending to a craptastic week...Love ya!

Oh My Goodness, My Guinness!

Flippin' Finally!

Here is my completed painting of my puggy Guinness. While I have been off sick for a week, I spent a little time finishing it (in between hacking, aching and napping of course).

I like it. Guinness sniffed it, and liked it. Stella, well, she barked at it and ran under the table. I just think she is jealous. I guess I should probably do one of her too...but not today. I need a nap.