I am not afraid to admit, I still cry when I leave my Mom and Dad. Every time. Not because I need to be with them all the time and not because I can’t deal with things on my own. I cry because I miss them. I cry because I have fun when I am with them and because they are two of my best friends and my biggest fans...yes, I like them too. Here’s the thing, I don’t think it is bad.I think crying is just one of those things I do and it doesn’t make me weak, whiney or fragile. It is just part of me. It’s a way I deal with things. I don’t yell, I don’t stomp around, I don’t tell people off...I cry. If I am leaving my parents after a long weekend and I won’t see them for a while, I cry. If I get frustrated and angry, I don’t yell, I cry. If I am feeling anxious or even super happy, I cry. I don’t think it is necessarily a weakness, but rather a release of emotion. It’s just a way to get out and let go of the stuff that’s inside. Emotions are OKAY!
Which leads me to another point. We really discourage anyone from showing any emotion. I mean, if you are too happy, people are wondering what you have to be so “overly happy” about. If you are kind of melancholy, you must be “depressed” or “have something going on”. I really don’t get it. For anyone who knows me, you know that I am an emotional sleeve wearer. I guess it’s the proverbial heart on your sleeve kinda thing, but that’s just me. The down side to being having emotional sleeves is that you get hurt more easily, everyone knows if you are mad/sad/happy/hurt or whatever. They may even refer to you as crazy or difficult or, heaven forbid, emotional. Oh no, not EMMOOOOTIONAL! Really? Should we all walk around like Monotone Zombies, arms straight out grunting one tone and seeking out monotony and the ability to be average? That sounds like fun! YAY!
I don’t want to be a zombie (I don’t think I would like the taste of brains anyway). I want to be have the ability to show emotion. I want people to know they made me happy, or that I love them. Emotions are good, people! Oh, and I can’t lie...there’s one positive for y’all. It is absolutely impossible for me to lie (it leaves a stain next to the heart on my sleeve).
I will continue to cry -if I need to. And, I won’t tell you not to -if you need to. Why do you think everyone in the movies is running from the zombies (besides the having your brains eaten by the living dead thing)? They can’t be happy, they can’t be sad, they just are. That’s it, that’s all. Why wouldn’t you run from something like that?
2 comments:
I hear you loud and clear.
How's this for messed up - I once got detention for sneezing. That's right. Sneezing.
I think it can scare the hot holy crap out of people to see someone emoting. It’s real and scary. Which one of us didn’t hear “stop your crying THIS MINUTE” when we grew up?
I don’t think the zombies want to be zombies any more than we do. And I think that seeing someone rebel against that conditioning reminds them that they could rebel, too.
Why do you think movies about people going completely mad and starting to feel EVERYTHING are so successful? How Stella got her groove back – she BURNS HER CHEATING HUSBAND’s CAR! People can let go vicariously through the movies.
I remember being at my grandfather’s prayers. I was totally overwhelmed by everything. And I wept. I virtually bled through my eyeballs. I wasn’t noisy, I just cried for almost the entire service. One of my great aunts was shushing me, totally embarrassed at this display of emotion. My sister, a tiny little pot stirrer, said, “She’s at a FUNERAL!” And my little tiny great aunt Nadia, who’s about 4 feet tall with pearly white hair grabbed my other aunt’s hand and scolded her in Ukrainian. My mother translated for me later. “Leave her be – the girl weeps.”
I think we can find solidarity with our elders. In that moment, my chocha Nadia was saying that she understood and that I needed to do what I must. Maybe part of her wished she had done that in her life.
Maybe we can skip the step of years of emotional repression, and go straight to the freedom you are allowed when you hit a certain age. Maybe we can be the first generation to be proud of our big squishy hearts.
Maybe I’m proud of knowing someone who has the courage to wear hers on her sleeve. I promise I’ll never punch you in the arm.
I can relate 100% to you Trace! I cry so easily its sometimes pathetic.
I even started crying not that long ago and felt frustrated by it and blurted out between tears to Stace, "Its not easy wearing your heart on your arm" which made her laugh because I should have said sleeve, which then made me cry more, and then laugh.
I used to literally cry over spilled milk. LITERALLY! I would spill something when I was younger and I would just start crying!
Its not a bad thing, and I will never feel bad for it and I am glad you feel the same way as me!
When I get home next week, we can drink coffee and cry!
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